I want to tell you about how I created a film called LOVE HEALS only to realize that I didn’t love myself.
When I set out to create a film about the power of love, I had no idea just how difficult that would be for me. At some point toward the end of filming last year, I had a realization at just how much I disliked myself and, at times, how much I hated myself. It made me feel like an imposter. How could I be creating a film called “Love Heals” when I wasn’t even sure if I loved myself???
As I wrestled with this question, some deep healing work began to happen inside of me. I realized how much of my life I had spent hating myself. Feeling as though I wasn’t good enough and that I was unworthy of love because I was gay. I felt like I was so broken that even God couldn’t love me and I felt I had to do whatever I could to DESERVE love. That programming ran so deep that I learned to perform and win awards and gain recognition to gain the “love” of others – only to be left feeling empty because it was never enough. When I came out as gay and learned to accept myself, I thought that programming would be magically erased. But the more time I spent going within, the more I began to realize just how much healing work there was left to do.
Recently, Dana and I completed 42 days of daily training with Ilchibuko (featured in the film), and this required me to set aside time every day to connect with myself through a lot of the practices you see in the film. As beautiful as that sounds, what rose to the surface was stuff I had been avoiding for a long time. I think sometimes we can have this idea that daily practice will guarantee more joy and peace, but for me daily practice meant facing emotions and pain I had spent my life pushing under the surface. This is probably why I had avoided daily practice for so long.
Currently, I’m still in process. I experience moments where I feel love for myself, but I still have a lot of work to do. I am learning that I still have an inner child within who was desperate for love and acceptance throughout so much of my life, and she needs to know she is loved and accepted AS SHE IS.
One of my favorite lines from the film is when Master O says, “It’s healing… loving… living.” We are all in process. There is no destination. The journey is the point, and the journey is what shapes us and molds us, and heals us.
Thank you for letting me share a bit of my journey with you. This is the hardest work I’ve ever done, but I see it transforming every area of my life, every relationship in my life, and I feel deep gratitude for the pain because it is helping me grow a bond with myself that I know would not be possible otherwise.
If you are still in the process of learning to love yourself too, know that I see you and I honor you.
With love and gratitude,
Director, LOVE HEALS
P.S. Scroll down for a link to my personal practice Spotify playlist. I hope you will find it helpful as you carve out your own space and time to go within.
MIND – INTERVIEW WITH DANA & DR. HANSCOM
Are you craving more expert content after watching LOVE HEALS? Then you will enjoy this powerful TMS RoundTable discussion with Dana and Dr. David Hanscom, a leading expert in chronic pain who was featured in the film. Watch Interview
BODY – 10 MINUTE BODY SHAKING TUTORIAL
Do you sometimes feel consumed by the energy of negative thoughts or negative emotions? Try this 10 minute routine from Brain Education TV to SHAKE OFF these energies from your body and mind. You will feel refreshed and renewed. Watch Tutorial
SOUL – KRISANNA’S SPOTIFY PLAYLIST
Please enjoy this Spotify playlist that Krisanna uses in her daily practice. She uses the first two tracks for tapping and vibration, #3 for stretching, #4 for bowing, #5 and #6 are the same song to create time for meditation, and the rest of the tracks just speak to her soul! Listen on Spotify